Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Shopping Shenanigans

Finding myself in need of certain household necessities (garbage bags, dish washing soap, etc) I made a foray into the local hell that is Walmart.

This time of year, I like to avoid shopping all together - especially places such as Walmart. There is Christmas music, trees, ornaments, lights, candles, cards, and all the poofery that goes along with this overblown holiday.

The toy department has grown exponentially in the past week to take over a good quarter of the damned store - and everywhere there are whiny, sniveling children begging their blank-staring parents for every single thing on the shelves.

I hate Christmas. Bah-freakin'-humbug!

It is a joy, however, to shop with The Man in times such as these.

Being neither a parent, nor sympathetic to their plight, he takes great pleasure in grabbing whatever toy some poor, bedraggled mother has ripped from her child's hand after saying 'NO' for the fortieth time, and putting it in our cart...while making Nyaaaa faces at the child who then loses his mind completely. Of course, I dump the toy out on the next aisle - and The Man moves on to his next taunting victim.

Another place he likes to do this is in the grocery store. The cereal aisle being the best place for this sort of thing. Usually, the child is trapped in the cart - facing backward so that he or she can see The Man do a little victory dance as he puts the Cocoa Puffs, Cap'n Crunch or whatever into our cart - again with the child throwing a small conniption fit...and the mother is none-the-wiser.

My favourite game whilst shopping is to throw random things in other people's carts. Not big things, mind you. A Twenty kilo bag of dog chow is liable to arouse suspicion. Just small things...condoms, corn pads, flea collars...that kinda thing. Of course, I don't do it often - and I usually reserve this for people I know. Usually...

So...as much as I loathe shopping, at least there are these small glimmers of glee.


sabrina said...

I wish I could do that, but it would be my luck someone would catch me and think I was trying to steal something.../sigh. Sounds fun tho!

goooooood girl said...

your blog is very good......

Natasha said...

No matter how many times I hear that story I always get a chuckle out of it. Its one of my absolute favorites :P

Jenn said...

Heh .... Have I mentioned lately that I love him. (But I don't want to buy him).

My fav story is the KY one ..... I laugh my ass off every time ... (although, it never seems to help, it always finds its way back home .... my ass that is, not The Man)

I specifically made reference to NYI, just to let you know I was thinking of you.