Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Purse-moot of Happiness

Okay, so obviously I have a hang-up with my key chain.

Many of you have emailed me or messaged me to tell me that I do, indeed have a problem and that I should seek help.

One kind soul was brave enough to suggest that the problem may lie deeper than my key rings, and that I should perhaps look to my purse.

Oh god...

My purse (or, the black hole as The Man calls it) is a frightening thing. It holds more mysteries than a Masonic Temple ledger. Not secrets of wisdom and wonder, but more along the lines of 'what the bloody hell is that doing in here?'

So, it is with more than a little trepidation that I present to you, my friends and readers of this nonsense, the contents of said accoutrement.

First, the bag itself:

Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Simple black leather.

Now...the hard part.

The contents:

Wow! Where do I begin here...

Well, let's do it this way:

Here is what any functional, right-thinking woman would carry in her purse (give or take maybe two or three sundry items)

Wallet, glasses, hair brush, lipstick case (2 lipstick), perfume, calculator, compact mirror, address book, sunglasses, parking change (that's the small velvet bag). You will note that I do not have a cell phone. Don't ask why...trust me.

These are the items that should be in my purse - and they are. Along with all this other crap...

All right...let's see here...um...

One hair band, one barrette, three hair elastics
Eight more lipsticks, three lip liners, one eyebrow pencil, one tube of highlighter cream, one tube of mascara, one lip gloss
Two bottles of perfume
One bottle of hairspray
A jar of assorted D&D dice (never know when you may need 2 d12)
One bottle of black shoe polish
One pair of scissors
A glue stick
Two CD's (I've been wondering where that Refreshments CD was!)
One deck of cards
Three ball-point pens - two blue, one green
One paperback novel - Another Roadside Attraction by Tom Robbins (excellent book, btw)
One worry stone
Two double A batteries
A large, pointy screw (ah...shaddap!)
One roll of cellophane tape
An acorn (I have no idea...)
Three more packs of gum
Two butane lighters
One pack of matches
A flask (doesn't everyone carry a flask?)
One bottle of silver sparkle nail polish
Two more pair of sunglasses
A pack of shoelaces
Four bottles of medication (actually, they probably belong in the necessities group)
A packet of DayQuil cold medication
Two more key chains - woo hoo!
One wine bottle cork (honestly, officer...I haven't the slightest idea how that got there)
One Japanese good luck coin
One container of hand cream
One toothbrush
One spool of dental floss
One pair of gold earrings (I've been looking for those, too)
One silver heart necklace


My purse is now much lighter - and much emptier.
But I feel better...


Jenn said...

Are the batteries for one of the lipsticks by chance?? (~snort~)

I should show you my bag one day. It is alot smaller, yet manages to hold many similar items, minus the lipstick and batteries of course.

I will admit, I looked around the pic to see what KIND of cards you had in there .... lol.

sabrina said...

Oh my dear god...i have to search for things to put in my purse and you have half a store in yours LOL

Natasha said...

I've held that purse for you before and had no idea. I'm surprised you didn't have a change of clothes in there, would fit in with the rest of the inventory.
I would empty mine but I recently switched purses so its still somewhat empty.