Thursday, July 30, 2009

It Ads Up

I know that recently I ranted on about a stupid commercial.

Commercials are necessary; I understand this.
How else are we as consumers going to learn the wonders of
the Sham-Wow, Kentucky Fried Chicken's mashed potatoes,
Microwavable milk shakes ('s true), and assorted other
products that we couldn't possibly live another moment

Personally, I don't mind commercials so long as they do not
insult my intelligence or assault me with irritating sounds,
infectious songs (Hotwire, you can go to Hell!) or just
plain banality.

Here is a commercial I saw not that long ago that I find not
only amusing, but very well done. Not only that, but it's for
the best beer on the planet.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Baa-a-a-a-d Company

Do you have what it takes to follow blindly, regardless of what
is going on around you?

Can you turn your head and ignore obvious favoritism, questionable
practices, nepotism, and a blatant disregard for fair treatment of

If so, We Want You!

We will reward you with crappy hours, strict rules (which you
can break if you get to be one of the precious favored few),
a laughable incentive program and of course, all the stress you
can force yourself to swallow.

If you can do your job quietly, without asking any questions,
without making any waves, just keeping your eyes on the asshole
in front of you - then you have the makings of an exemplary

It's sheeple like you that make our job easier.

Join our Team.

And, just for fun - some very appropriate lyrics:
do yourself a favor and check out the song, too.

SHEEP - Pink Floyd (click it for awesomeness)

Harmlessly passing your time in the grassland away;
Only dimly aware of a certain unease in the air.
You'd better watch out!
There may be dogs about
I looked over Jordan, and I've seen
Things are not what they seem.

That's what you get for pretending the danger's not real.
Meek and obedient you follow the leader
Down well trodden corridors into the valley of steel.
What a surprise!
A look of terminal shock in your eyes.
Now things are really what they seem.
No, this is not a bad dream.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want
He makes me down to lie
Through pastures green He leadeth me the silent waters by.
With bright knives He releaseth my soul.
He maketh me to hang on hooks in high places.
He converteth me to lamb cutlets,
For lo, He hath great power, and great hunger.
When cometh the day we lowly ones,
Through quiet reflection, and great dedication
Master the art of karate,
Lo, we shall rise up,
And then we'll make the bugger's eyes water.

Bleating and babbling we fell on his neck with a scream.
Wave upon wave of demented avengers
March cheerfully out of obscurity into the dream.

Have you heard the news?
The dogs are dead!
You better stay home
And do as you're told.
Get out of the road if you want to grow old.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Dining in 'Style'

While watching TV this morning, I saw a television commercial
for Pizza Hut in which a family are blindfolded and then are
'taken to an Italian restaurant'.

We are supposed to believe that this 'family' is driven around for
a little while and then returned to their own home to be served
Pizza Hut's new Tuscani Restaurant-Style Pasta Selections.
Of course, they're all stunned to realize that they are in their
own home and eating take-out from a pizza joint.

I have several problems with this commercial.

One: I've had just about enough blindfolding in commercials.
If you want to impress me with someone wearing a blindfold,
it better come with a last cigarette and a firing squad.

Two: These people are returned to their own home.
How incredibly dense do you have to be to not even recognize the
sounds, smells and feel of your own abode?? They look shocked to
find themselves sitting at their own dining room table - same
uncomfortable chairs...same height to the table. These people are
frickin' morons.

Three: Tuscani Restaurant-Style Pasta selections. Hmmm...
Let's see here.
Restaurant-style dishes...FROM A RESTAURANT!!!! I should
freakin'-well hope so!!!

I hate commercials...I really do.

I was in a good mood earlier - now, I'm just pissed off.