Acquaint By Numbers

Ever just follow random links out of boredom?

Me too...although normally it only takes about three
clicks before you end up on some porn site or other.

Yesterday, I was clicking away on hyperlinks and ended up
on a Numerology website and got to reading.

I do read my horoscope most days although I don't put
a whole lot of stock in it. It has become more of a habit
than a belief - something to do between the editorial page
and the comics.

I learned to read tarot cards years ago, have done my
share of scrying, and take more than a passing interest
in palmistry. The desire to understand the past, be aware
of the present and glimpse the future is an inborn trait
for me...and I'm sure I'm not alone.

Anyway, numerology.

I know a few people who are right into this stuff and
swear by it's accuracy. Numbers, they say, are no
accident. Everything has a sum - and when all things
are added up, patterns become visible.

So finding myself on this numerology site, I couldn't
help but enter my information to see what my personal
calculations said about me.

I was impressed for the most part. Much like my astrological
sign descriptions (Capricorn), I saw myself in much of what this
numerology report said. There were a few aspects I found a
little laughable, but by and large, it was pretty close.

If you know me personally, click on the numbers box and see
what you think.

If you don't know me on a personal level...feel free to click and
find out if you want to get to know me better.

Incidentally, any cracks about my hyphenated birth name or my
maiden name will earn you swift retribution....(that's part of who
I am too =P )

Rules is Rules

Isn't it great when you have the day off, your friends
have the day off, and you try to decide what to do?

Please, for the love of all that is holy...plan something
in advance.

Anything.

Hours spent drinking coffee while playing the 'I dunno... what do you wanna do' game is frustrating, boring and
wastes valuable time. Usually by the time a consensus
is reached, it's 8:00 pm and the day has been utterly
spent.

Go get a manicure together. See a movie. Shoot some
pool. Go shopping...something!!

It's either that - or resort to

(insert scary music here__________)

The Rules...



Click the comic for bigishness

XKCD

Fruit Ballad

I hate to do this so often, but I'm one of those people
who firmly believes that misery loves company.

Come...keep me company.
You know you want to.

If you are brave enough (and need a good laugh),
please click on the picture below to hear a song that
is cute, stupid, and terribly contagious.

Sing it to your friends...see how long they stay your friends.

Incidentally, this was introduced to me by a co-worker
who sings it everytime he passes me (which over the course
of my day amounts to about 20 times or more).

I love him...and hate him too.

(nothing but love, Giuseppi...nothing but love!)

Spring Careening

Ah, Spring!

The sun is getting brighter, the days a little
longer...and no matter where you go, you cannot
escape the smell of thawing dogshit.

As much as I am glad winter is over, the arrival
of Spring brings so many annoyances with it.

Here are just a few:

Bicyclists. Sorry - I'm not a bike person. If you
can't obey the rules of the road, then your bike
is not a vehicle, it's a toy. And toys belong
in the yard.

Skateboarders. Die. All of you. Now.
The sidewalk is not a half-pipe, bus stop benches
are not for jumping and railings are for hands - not
your damned skateboards!

Rollerbladers. You can die too. Take your fancy-
shmancy dance moves to the nightclub and get off the
damned sidewalk.

Joggers. Nike vs. Michelin - need I say more?

Please don't get me wrong. I have no problem with
any of the above activities in and of themselves. I
just hate it when they interfere with MY attempts to
get somewhere...especially when I'm driving.

I drive a very large vehicle - and I have no qualms
whatsoever about taking any one of you out with it.
I will sleep well at night, comfortable in the knowledge
that I did my part to better the community.

...

The previous post was for one person in particular.

Judging from the emails that I received today, it has
come to my attention that I have several friends in need
of support and/or comfort.

Of course that message was for you.

...and you too.

To Whom It May Concern

It's going to work out...

Maybe not right away - there are undoubtedly hard
times ahead.

You're going to be okay.

I promise.




I won't give up if you don't give up...

The Wearing o' the Green

St. Patrick's Day...Faith and Begorah!! Let us all get
shitfaced drunk on green beer and do silly jigs like
overgrown hobbits on meth.

Surely this is the legacy the proud Irish
intended to pass along to the rest of the world.

Riiiiiiiiiiiight.

Drink...get drunk...fall down...get back up...hit someone...
(preferably a stranger, but a friend will do)...drink some more.

And don't forget your silly fake accent! Jesus-Mary-n-the Saints, ya
canna' be heard speaking today without a rich Irish brogue!

Which brings me to this:



Someday, the Irish will kill us all in our sleep.
And we'll deserve it.

Playing Post Office

Canada Post sucks.

There.
I said it.

I'm sure that now all my mail is going to end up
crumpled and damaged, or strewn across my
front yard instead of in my mailbox - but at the moment,
I don't really care.

This morning, I sent a package to California. The box was
not heavy, over-sized or even oddly shaped. Just a
run-of-the-mill box weighing in at a few pounds.

The guy at the post office tells me that I have to tell him
exactly what is in the box and how much the contents are
worth.

I looked at him with my usual charming 'you have got to
be joking me' look and gave him his answer: "It's a gift -
it's none of your business, and it's worth a great deal to me
and hopefully to the recipient as well."

He fixes me with a cold glare and then says: "Lady, just tell
me what's in the box and what it's worth approximately."
He sighs like he had to explain molecular physics to me.

These people make about $35.00 per hour to be like
this...and it pisses me off.

I try a different approach.

"Look...this is a birthday gift for a very good friend. If it
was your birthday, would you want to know what was in
the box before you opened it and how much your friend
spent on you?"

His face softened...a bit.
A human connection from the Canadian Postal Service...
who would have thought???

"I still have to put something on the label," he said.

"How about gift", I replied.

"...and for value?"

I smiled.
"Priceless."

"Priceless...ok. To insure a package of this size and weight
at 'priceless' value will be $42.25 and the postage to send it
express will be $34.70....so that's uh....$76.95 all together."

Have I mentioned I hate the Postal Service?

"Fine...'gift'...value...$120.00....happy?"

"$41.10, ma'am. Thank you and have a nice day."

"Ah...go stamp yourself."

More Sticky Notes

Gah...!

♪♫ Hot Tamale...Hot, hot tamale...Hot tamale - Hot! Hot!♫♪

It's not a commercial (although it should be!).

It's a song, of sorts - and it's stuck in my head.

See for yourself...although you can't blame me for the
strange looks you receive from friends, relatives and
co-workers when you go around singing this for hours
on end.

You were warned...


(touch the tamale)

Sliced and Diced

I was discussing hobbies and pass-times with a group
of people at work the other day.

Most of these people are fairly new to me, having been hired
while I was off on medical leave.

They are all younger than me by many years - most of them
being in their early twenties.

The conversation turned to Dungeons and Dragons.

When I suddenly chimed in with my love for D&D I was
met with looks that ranged from surprise to reverence.

Yes... I'm a dork.

I play Dungeons and Dragons and have for many many years.
And I still play with the same group of people that I started
playing with.

D&D is fun.
It's therapeutic as well.
For a few precious hours I can go from being middle-aged,
middle-management Lynn to ONYX, Ptahian Cleric/Psyonicist
with the power to heal, resurrect the dead, control minds, and
kill with a word.

There is no better way to release the frustrations of a long
week.
(well, there is...but this is a pg rated blog)

I have found that if you play D&D with someone long enough,
you'll get to know who they really are.

No matter what class or alignment you play, your real self will
eventually shine through.

My main character is a cleric; a healer...a helper and protector.
Believe it or not, that's who I am.

I have many other characters I play, but Onyx, my cleric, is by
far my favorite and the easiest for me to play. She's also my
oldest character...the one I first began with.

D&D has changed so much over the years. Rules have changed,
new classes have evolved while others have disappeared all
together. But no matter how much it changes, the basic premise
will always be the same:

Become someone powerful.
Smite your enemies.
Take their stuff.

Who doesn't want to do that?

Juxtapochicken

I was watching The Nature of Things last night-
an amazing show that translates the mysteries of
science and nature into entertainment for an hour.
It's host is David Suzuki, a Canadian Zoologist,
Geneticist, Eco-Warrior, and all-round incredible man.

Although these kinds of programs often depress me due
to the doom and gloom forecast for the planet should
things not change, I love Suzuki and always enjoy his
presentations as he can still find ways to insert a little
humor and humanity into even the darkest of subjects.

Dr. Suzuki has multiple doctorates, honorary titles
galore - including the Order of Canada; he has been
adopted by no less than two native tribes and has
earned the respect of the scientific community
around the world for his outstanding commitment to
the environment.

When the program was over the mandatory
commercials commenced. The first ad to come on
was for KFC - and I began to laugh hysterically.
(The Man thought I'd lost my marbles)

Am I the only one who finds this funny?



Well...I know Dr. Suzuki would have laughed...