Friday, May 29, 2009

To Bee or Not to Bee

My headspace is cluttered with so much crap.

Sometimes I wonder how I even manage to
function on a daily basis.
I think most of what I do is programmed into 'auto-pilot
' least, that's what I'm hoping. Because when I
occasionally have the time to take mental inventory, I am
shocked and appalled by the amount of useless
garbage I find rattling around up there.

BUT - every once in a while, one of those useless
things comes in handy. Kind of like that piece of
copper wire in the bottom of your junk drawer.

The other day at work I was having a conversation
with someone I'm not overly fond of, but for civility's
sake, I remain on amicable speaking terms.

Sadly, I don't remember what we were discussing - only
that I had said that something was impossible. This guy
then starts chirping at me, saying 'Nothing is impossible. If a bumblebee can fly, which is an aerodynamic impossibility, then anything can happen."

Gee...thanks, Hallmark.

Suddenly, facts from days gone by started flooding from all
corners of my brain!

"Actually," I said, "that is a common myth propagated from the
faulty analogy between bees and conventional fixed-wing aircraft.
It became a catch-phrase of every wannabe self-help guru and
pocket-lining pulpit banger who had the audacity to use it without
researching the facts!

Bees' wings are small relative to their bodies. If an airplane were
built the same way, it'd never get off the ground. But bees aren't
like airplanes, they're like helicopters. Their wings work on the
same principle as helicopter blades--to be precise, "reverse-pitch
semi-rotary helicopter blades. A moving airfoil, whether it's a
helicopter blade or a bee wing, generates a lot more lift than a
stationary one."

I found myself staring at a very confused and slightly frightened

I apologized and walked away before I could get into how the bees'
thorax muscles worked in order to make 200 wing beats per second

Why do I have this stuff in my head????

Time for some cerebral spring cleaning - hopefully before someone
gets hurt.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Working Out


So, The Man is out of work...

It would be nice to say that he's taking the summer off
to enjoy the weather and take a little vacation - but the
fact of the matter is that he's lost his job.

My plans of a new computer system, a vacation of my own
and a little financial breathing space all came crashing down
around my feet last Thursday when he got his notice.

Fun, fun, fun...

Just when you think you're finally back on track, someone
changes the route.

Maybe it's time for a change in venue. There's really not much
around here in the way of gainful employment anymore. He's
too old to join the military (not to mention far too insubordinate)...
he can't speak French, so any government jobs are out - and he
would probably stab someone in the face if he worked in the
food service industry.

I'll be looking into putting my house on the market in the next
month or so, I guess.

Anyone want to buy a 112 year old house???

Monday, May 4, 2009

An Occasional Error

Ever been talking to someone and in the course of the conversation
they use a word or phrase incorrectly?

Usually you let it go, not wanting to draw attention to their
mistake or embarrass them.

I was recently relating a story like this to a friend and co-worker, so
I thought perhaps I would share it here as well.

Years ago, a friend of mine had a big Christmas party and invited
most of the people she knew, both from work and from school. It
was quite the shindig, let me tell you.

Anyway, at this party was another friend of mine, Janice*. Now
Janice had a terrible crush on a certain guy and had never known
how to approach him.

This particular guy, whose name was David, happened to be of the
Jewish persuasion - but had attended the party all the same.
None of us cared about his religion anymore than he cared about ours
- so it was all good. Besides, why miss a good party over something
so trivial?

Under the influence of a little too much Christmas cheer from the
punch bowl, Janice approached me to ask what it was that the Jewish
people celebrated this time of year.

"Hanukkah" I replied. "The phrase is Happy Hanukkah."

She thanked me and stumbled off in search of David.

I happened to be standing within earshot when she found him.

Janice threw her arms around him and in her tipsy and tremulous
voice wished David a "Happy Holocaust!!"

I nearly died.

To this day, every time I think of that night I do two things:

1) cringe and 2) laugh hysterically.

Needless to say, Janice never did get anywhere with David - although
he did forgive her...eventually.

*names have been changed to protect the inebriated.